Hurt

I watched the Johny Cash music video 'Hurt' earlier.  I think that was the second time I've seen it.  It pulled me in.  Or maybe I was already there.  The opening line is powerful, "I hurt myself today to see if I still feel, I focus on the pain the only thing thats real."  It goes on "try to kill it all away but I remember everything."  I don't know if he wrote the song but I know he felt it, and I do too.  I can't help but remember everything, whether good or bad, its all still here with me.  Emotional pain is something that can not be put on a scale, so I can not here say that I can relate to all.  We find in sharing that it all ties together.  People loving and losing people.  People hurting and being hurt by people.  People, thats our common bond.  Like it says later on in song "everyone I know goes away in the end."  You see losing things doesn't hurt us accept as they remind us of the people we love.  "And you could have it all, my empire of dirt.  I will let you down, I will make you hurt."  I also really believe that we want to be loved by someone that won't let us down, someone that will be there once everyone goes away, if we live that long.  All of the ones we hope to always be there may not, either by choice or death.  I believe like A.W. Tozer said that in each one of us, though we strut around like we are so secure, there is within us a sense of cosmic loneliness, a feeling that nobody really cares for me in a way will last forever, because they all might go away.  He tells a story about a homeless man in one of his sermons that has impacted me forever now that I have a boy.  He said 'that old homeless man sitting there has no one left who loves him here on earth.  His parents that once watched him crawl across the floor with dripping chin and picked him up every time he fell have been long gone, and his sweetheart of his youth has left him, and there he is all alone.  Everyone has deserted him.  And as he sits there he thinks, no one is left to love me.  At that moment the christian evangel comes to him 'hey there you, God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever and that included you may not perish but have everlasting life.'

We are all cosmic orphans until we come to Christ.  Thank God He is a 'Father to the fatherless.'  

I know that does not solve it all.  We still have these memories and attachments that are good.  But now I have Someone here with me in my darkest and brightest memories and my darkest and brightest moments.  Trust Him with all of you.  He will not turn you away.  Be completely honest with Him.  He knows it all anyway, and He still cares.  God cares about you.  He loves me, so I know He will love you.  He knows about all my darkness but He still stays here with me and loves me.  He won't leave you.